More and more people are diagnosed as ‘having anxiety’ or ‘being anxious’.
Anxiety sure feels like a ‘thing’ when you’re in the grip of a load of anxious thought. But have you noticed that putting attention on the anxious thinking and trying to fix it tends to ‘lock it in’?
Strategies and tools to ‘manage anxiety’ become another thing to fit into the day. Or we swallow medicines in an attempt to relieve the symptoms.
Anxiety is one of the many emotions that comprise the human experience. It’s generally unpleasant and can produce a plethora of symptoms. Commonly they include a racing heart, churning stomach, sweaty palms, feeling jittery, confused and often fearful thinking. Actually many of the symptoms of unwellness have anxious tentacles…
When we are in an anxious state it is as if our thinking has been ratchedted up and the special effects have been turned on to maximum volume.
I can see that in the past I have been quite gullible regarding my anxious thoughts. I’ve taken them seriously. My BS detector hasn’t picked up the cues.
The ‘special effects’ that come with anxious thinking, kind of guarantee that we fall for the anxiety script….until we don’t!
It can go something like this….
- This must be serious.
- The thoughts and feelings are so strong and unpleasant, something is really wrong.
- It feels urgent, I have to act – and now!
This can lead to hasty reactions to people and events that at other times don’t bother us, and often we conclude we are ‘not ok’…and therefore the obvious solution is to get fixed!
So we search for an answer; medicines, counselling and psychotherapy, complementary therapies, quitting our job, leaving a relationship, moving city/country, never leaving the confines of our home, and the list goes on.
If I go to a movie and I’m really caught up in it and it’s scaring me; my heart can be racing, I might be clenching my jaw and fists, I can feel sick…. Once I notice what’s happening, I can remind myself this is just a movie and it’s not real, then I can relax. Or I can choose to stay caught up and experience all the hype and drama. Or if I’m taking it so seriously that I can’t listen to the ‘this is just a made up story’ then I can leave the movie theatre.
In this scenario it’s as if I’ve forgotten that I am actually the neutral screen that the movie is being projected onto. When the movie is finished the screen is untouched by all the special effects.
Similarly when the ‘special effects’ of our anxious thinking kick off we are free to choose the ‘I’m not falling for this’ option. We can remember we are the neutral screen that these special effects are playing on, and if we don’t pay the anxious thinking any attention it will pass, and the screen that is us, returns to neutral.
As is often quoted. We are the sky not the weather. The sun is always shining even when we can’t see it. Similarly the wholeness of who we are is always there, even when it is obscured by a load of murky anxious thinking.
It is a normal part of the human condition to experience a range of emotions. Just as it is normal for the weather to be changeable… sometimes four seasons in one day…yes! I lived in gorgeous Wellington for 24 years!
By judging our emotions as good or bad and seeking the ‘good‘ ones and doing everything we can think off to get rid of the ‘bad’ ones we create an inordinate amount of unnecessary work and distress.
Trying to control our thoughts is the same as trying to control the weather…GOOD LUCK!
Thoughts occur to us quite randomly, we may have thousands in a day, some we ignore, some we act on. As humans we have free will. As we wake up to the power this affords us, we learn to be curious about our thinking and less gullible about taking the ‘special effects’ seriously.
As with the weather, when it’s a stunning day we might swim, walk, enjoy being outside, or choose to be indoors, and when it’s cold and stormy we might choose to stay indoors, or at least rug up to head outdoors.
We are always free to choose how we respond.
It’s the same with anxiety…we are already ok. Often no solution needs to be sought. We just need to remember that from time to time we will experience anxious thinking and like that southerly blast that can roam through NZ, it will pass.
If you would like to explore further this simple understanding that frees us to turn up to life with enthusiasm – no mattter what your thinking – please contact me! hello@thereseboyle.com